I’m on the hunt for balls…
Small balls with about 400 little dents in them…
Oh, and they MUST be EXACTLY 1.68 inches in diameter.
Yep, I’m on the scrounge for golf balls.
(“Golf balls” always sounded like a condition to me. You know, like “Tennis Elbow”, “Housemaids knee” or “Copywriter’s Ego”)
You might already know why I’m hunting for them. If you don’t, I’m not going to tell you.
(Trust me, your life will NOT be better for discovering that little secret)
Though it’s not my motive, hunting for golf balls to sell as “lake balls” is big business.
Some companies go all out – investing in professional divers and automated machines that dredge ponds and pools of errant slices, hooks, and shanks.
(I know you think I made up at least one of those terms, but I didn’t. If you’re even on the lookout for a sport riddled with funny words, golf’s got your back)
Me? I’ve not got any fancy equipment like that.
Despite my lack of wearable rubber outfits and robot swamp monsters though, I’m finding enough balls to do what I need to do.
(Again, don’t ask)
Because I have something else – KNOWLEDGE.
Ask a non-golfer where the best place to look for golf balls is and they’d probably pick the area with the tallest grass…
… the kind of jungle you can easily imagine a wealthy, Oxbridge male saying, “This thicket is ghastly, Tarquin. I’ll just hit another. Ask Jeeves to open up a fresh sleeve and toss me another Titleist would you?” – and dig around in there.
That’s not a bad tactic.
But as a former golfer, I have a little “insider” information.
I know two things that guarantee I’ll find more balls than the “forage the thickest thicket” brigade:
1) Most golfers are right-handed
2) The most common golfing mishit is a slice (that means right-handed golfers miss their target to the right)
Once you know those two things, you can stand on the tee of ANY hole… on ANY course… in ANY country… in ANY universe*…
… and immediately pinpoint the area where most of the lost balls are.
* That might be pushing it. I’m unfamiliar with how they play golf on Gliese 581c. They might do something completely crazy, like allow golfers to wear unchequered pants that don’t cause seizures.
Knowing these two things – and only these two things – you can 80/20 the lost and noble art of golf ball finding.
I’m now going to make a bold and provocative statement…
You probably don’t give one – or several – hoots about finding golf balls.
But… you probably DO care about how me rummaging in tall grass and getting excited over a Noodle* could help your life.
* Told you – RIDDLED!
Marketers always tell us to get to know our audience – to do the research… come up with our avatar, etc…
That’s all well and good but, like finding golf balls, you don’t need to know absolutely EVERYTHING about your peeps for this to pay off.
If you help Dads shift their paunch, knowing their innermost thoughts about phase 5 of the Marvel cinematic universe is all well and good, but…
… knowing they struggle with evening cravings so bad, they cram three Yorkie bars into their mouths every night before they go to bed gives you something far more useful to work with.
You don’t need to know everything…
You just need to know the most important things.