[INSIDERS ONLY] Why I’m not sending this to everyone…

I have a weird tendency to demonstrably overprove things.

For example, if I ever handle anything in a shop, I always do this hand dance for the security cameras after putting it back on the shelf:

… to prove I’ve not smuggled anything up my sleeve.

(And also so they’ll never think of looking in my trouser cuffs… MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

It’s one of the reasons you should never call on me to defend you in court. Even if you didn’t do it (and we both know you bloody well did), I’d be giving off more tells than the lovechild of Pinocchio and Amber Heard.

My weird tendency is also the reason I blatantly disregarded my personal security by showing a waitress my laptop screen with my private details on – just so I could prove I was entitled to a 10% on a hot beverage.

I’ve started trying to be more sociable. You know – exploring new and exciting places to write in and be around humans…

… for five seconds before I cram my earbuds in, whack up the white noise, and spend three hours sitting in total silence, staring at my screen and ignoring bloody everyone.

My local library is a pretty good spot for this. But calling it a library is like calling the “Super Soaker Drenchmaster 3000 XM (Extra Moist)” a water pistol

It’s less of a library and more a thriving hub with a coffee shop, cinema, theatre, and unflappable WiFi connection.

For the membership fee of just £4 a month, I can get first dibs on tickets and shows and – more importantly – save 25p on every coffee.

(I’ll let you do the “how many cups do I need to buy every month to break even?” maths on that one)

I always get excited about joining a club.

I still remember the day my Dennis the Menace fan club pack landed on my doormat…

(Because it was last Thursday)

I remember because my sister and I were having a blazing row – a full on shoutfest. I was in the middle of a particularly harsh “oh yeah… well, you smell” tirade when I heard the unmistakable thud of “substantial package hitting doormat”

At that moment, everything paled into significance. All I wanted to do was rip open the box and put on the furry badge*.

* If you know, you know.

Sadly, I didn’t get to relive that same excitement when I joined my local library though.

Not even close. Once I paid my £4, I received…



Not even a “thanks for supporting your local charity and community (even though we know you only did it for the discounted caffeine, you cheap git)” email.

Not only did I miss out on the excitement of getting new stuff, but I also have nothing to prove I’m a member, hence my sharing far too many personal details with a waitress who is probably fleecing my bank account as we speak.

If someone joins your club/membership/group, you don’t need to buy them a Tesla or make a big song and dance, but…

You should probably do something to make them feel a little bit special.

For example, for joining this “email club” you get exclusive access to the GOOGLE DRIVE OF AWESOMENESS!!!! 

You also get these emails – hopefully, they’re of some value.

I also treat you a little better than non “email club” people – you hear first about anything I’m up to and discounts on my offers.

In my eyes, you’re an “insider”. You took action. You gave me your email. You decided to be here.

Every time you open this email, I want you to feel glad you’re here, whether you’re the weird fanboy who has posters of me in your room, or you’re like me at my local library…

… just in it for the freebies!

Email is great for bringing your audience in closer, but you need to make it feel special somehow.

You can’t do that by “blasting” your list with every piece of content you ever create.

John Holt