If the FBI asks, give them this photo…

If being incredibly shit at Fortnite ever becomes a Federal crime and I end up on the FBI’s “Most Wanted” list, I hope this is the photo they use:

(If the FBI agrees to my demands, I pinky promise to carry those glasses on my person at all times, to make the verification process easier)

That photo is, by a country mile, the closest I’ve ever come to having a headshot.

But, seeing as one of my 2022 goals is to “get myself out there a bit more”*, I need to rectify that.

* Why have SMART goals when you can have Drab Unclear Meaningless Blurry goals instead. (New “Goal setting for DUMBies” book coming soon!)

I need to get a headshot.

Fortunately, a good friend of mine was offering sessions in a local swanky hotel and, seeing as it was down the road from the place I open my laptop and try my best to convince people I’m doing some productive work…

This gave me the perfect chance.

Gotta be honest, I was dreading it. I bloody hate having my photo taken. 

Before the shoot I was imagining myself sitting there as if posing for an oil painting, awkwardly doing my best fake smile.

I could already hear the responses people would make when seeing the photo:

“I didn’t know you had gastrointestinal problems…”

“How many drawing pins were you sitting on?”

I was practising my smile in the rearview mirror on my way over, to see if I could make it look slightly less sinister.

It did not. The lady in the car behind me either thought I was flirting with her or having a stroke.

“Maybe Photoshop has a ‘serial killer smile remover’ button?”

Turns out I had nothing to worry about.

My friend told me where to stand and I spent a fun twenty minutes or so chatting and joking around with her while looking vaguely in her direction.

No awkward posing. No “OK, let’s do one more… only this time try not to look like you’ve sat on a plate of blancmange”.

Just the occasional:

“Point your feet that way…”

“Look at that window for a minute…”

I can do that.

If I had to sum the whole shoot up in one word, I’d choose…

EASY. 

It was just so easy.

Easy is something that’s easily forgotten.

In marketing, it’s all too easy to only focus on the big, measurable benefits of the thing you sell:

– The HUUUUUGE sales your “cash machine” generates…

– The “laundry list” of clients your “customer-getting faucet” delivers…

– The “hilarious” third bullet point your “comedy contraption” creates…

I’ve said this many times:

Your customers are selfish jerks.

But they’re not just selfish…

They’re selfish, lazy jerks.

Not only do we care about what’s in it for us… we’re looking for the easy solution. So if your answer makes our lives easier… TELL US!

That’s why one of the things I focus on in Endless Emails is not only how you can use it to generate an endless amount of ideas you can write about in your emails…

… but also how it’s so easy – you can do it while sitting on the toilet.

Yep. For half the people reading this, Endless Emails is literally piss easy.

If you’re looking for an easy way to end your “what do I write about?” woes once and for all, check out:

https://insertgaghere.com/endless

John