Marketing advice for the blind… man

Once you tell people you’re a comedian and – after they’ve spent twenty minutes staring at you in disbelief, asking “really??? YOU?” – they’ll always say…

“Here’s a joke you can use…”

… before spewing the filthiest, most offensive joke you’ll ever hear.

The kind of joke the love child of Chubby Brown and Bernard Manning would say was a bit too much.

I used to hate the “Here’s one for you…” moments when I was a performer, but I’ve found myself doing the same thing recently.

Not to comedians… but to the freelancers, entrepreneurs, and small business owners I chat to.

We’ll be chatting away when all of a sudden I’ll blurt out the marketing equivalent of “Here’s one you can use…”:

“You should mention that in your marketing…”

I do it all the bloody time.

(OK, so not ALL the time… for example, 15 minutes ago, I was making toast and yelling at my kid to get ready for school so I wasn’t doing it then, but you know what I mean)

I even say it when the person isn’t there.

Case in point – I was speaking to my mum last week and she was telling me about the new blinds she’d had fitted.

She spent most of the call telling me how awesome the chap who came to fit them was.

Nothing was too much trouble – he took his shoes off without being asked, was super polite, nice and tidy in his work, and – when he discovered he had the wrong fitting – he was calling up the manufacturer and dashing off to get a replacement without being asked.

All good stuff, right?

But that’s not the “you should mention that in your marketing” bit.

“… best of all, he was 6 foot 5 inches tall and didn’t need a stepladder… so I didn’t have to move any of my furniture out of the way…”


“He should mention that in his marketing!”

He totally should.

Asking a pensioner to shift a well-stacked Ottoman before the blind man comes round is like asking me to grill you a chicken leg on a barbeque…

… in theory, it should be OK, but it’s probably going to end up in a hospital visit.

But with 6’5” Steve on the job? No worries at all.

My marketing mind was imagining a business card for Steve with a photo of him on where his head is either a) cut off just above the mouth, or b) extends out the top of the card, making it misshapen.

I was also imagining a series of social posts of him fitting blinds in famously high places.

(Maybe a badly photoshopped photo of him fitting a blind in the Sistine Chapel while yelling “Oi, Francis… where do you want these hanging?”)

You might not be vertically blessed like Steve, but I’m betting you have SOMETHING your audience really cares about.

It might be your awesome sense of humour, or that you’re a total spreadsheet geek (Spreadsheek?), or the fact you’re the only person in Clitheroe who knows all the rules to Yahtzee.

Whatever it is, if your customer values and appreciates it… it’s worth digging around for and then shouting about it.

Have a great week,

John Holt