When I heard what the doctor said, I nearly shit myself.

“It could be six months – at least – before life returns to normal…”

For me, that’s the scariest part of COVID-19 – it’s like an episode of “Lost” – no one knows what’s going to happen next, or how it’s going to end.

Will we discover that COVID is resistant to Lynx Africa, leaving a world devoid of all human life, apart from teenage boys and 44-year-old men whose mothers insist on buying them a gift set every Christmas?

Maybe it’s just God’s way of saying, “Right, that’s it. You’re all being a bunch of cretins – I want you to go to your houses and think about what you’ve done. HEY – NO MINGLING!”

No one knows. And that’s scary.

As business owners, we like to feel in control. It makes us feel safe.

Boring and predictable are good when you’re a business owner.

If you CHOOSE to ditch those networking meetings and slob around in your Spongebob Squarepants onesie all day watching Krypton Factor reruns, that’s fine…

But when you’re TOLD to stay home, that’s different. Now I WANT to get up at 5:30am, tame my wild hair (why didn’t someone remind me to get a haircut before all this?) and chat with Tony about his mobile pimple-popping business.

If you’re an “offline” business trying to find “online” opportunities, it’s even harder.

Email sequences… Sales pages… Website copy…

You know they can help you get more clients, but what do you do first… and what the hell are you meant to write?

If… wait a second…

You think there’s a pitch coming, don’t you?

I knew it. You had that look on your face.

Sorry, that’s the copywriter in me (he’s called Gerald).

It’s not a “SPECIAL OFFER!!!!” type offer.

It’s an offer – an invitation – for you to reach out if you’re clueless about the online world and want some help.

I won’t write a sales page for free, but I’ll happily give you some pointers to get you started and maybe get you a few orders.

I’m not going to craft an 8 part autoresponder sequence for fack all, but I will give you some things you can talk about in your emails to engage your customers.

Yes, what’s happening is a bit scary and, no, we don’t know when life is going to go back to normal…

… but you’re not alone.

If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.

Yes, I really mean it.

“You should’ve put a pitch in there, you dozy bastard. At least meet me halfway and include an anonymised screenshot of someone saying something nice about you…” – Gerald.