At 20:30 last night, Boris “I don’t care how bad the crisis is, I’m STILL not going to use a fucking hairbrush” Johnson announced that the UK was in lockdown.
🥳 “YAY!”, scream the introverts. 🥳
😒 “Meh”, mutter the Millenials. 😒
😨 “Oh shit… NO! Not three weeks locked up with HIM!”, yelled my wife, as a single tear rolled down her cheek, as she stared blankly out the window. 😨
We’re only allowed to leave the house when it’s absolutely necessary, so things like – food shopping, medical emergencies or for your calligraphy class at the local night school.
(“But it IS an emergency. Have you seen the state of my kerning after a drop cap?”)
Obviously, this is not a great situation to be in, but…
If you have an online business, blog, vlog, jlog (I may have made that one up) or presence – or want one – it IS a fantastic opportunity.
You now have a captive audience.
As of 20:30 last night, everyone is looking for something to keep them occupied, laughing and sane over the next few weeks and months.
We’re going to need it.
👈👉☝👇 It could be YOU. 👈👉☝👇
(I wanted the emoji to be pointing at you, but, seeing as I have no basis for determining your relative position to me at this present moment, I thought, “balls to it” and covered all bases)
Now is the perfect time to step up, put yourself out there and make a difference.
Now is the perfect time to start that thing you were thinking about starting and see what happens*.
You have (at least) three weeks of undivided attention – what are you going to do with it?
🦨 “SNIFF Did you catch a whiff of that, Marjorie? It smells like a pitch…”. 🦨
I can help you with this.
“I BLOODY KNEW IT!”
If the thought of sitting down and writing content, copy or lust-filled notes to your milkman makes you want to wander the aisles of Tesco naked, rubbing faces with everyone you meet, I can help.
As a copywriter, I’ve written:
✍️ Sales pages
✍️ Email sequences
✍️ FB ads
✍️ Blog posts
✍️ Webinar scripts
Most of these weren’t shit.
More than that though, as a performer, I’ve learned how to add a touch of personality and humour in there too, so your customers are smiling while you give them something awesome.
If you’re a business owner or entrepreneur – someone who’s regularly creating content, ideas and info products, I’d love to speak to you.
At the moment, I’m running a starter offer for retainer clients at the following rates:
£399 for 8 hours of writing,
£239 for 4 hours of writing (do I really have to put “of writing” next to all these?)
£149 for 2 hours… damn my OCD! – of writing!
My mentor told me to make it clear that this is a starter offer and strictly limited. I’m telling you this for two reasons:
- I’m genuinely terrified of her. Like, really proper horror movie scared. 😱
- It’s true. I have two school-age kids, an overly energetic dog I can now only walk once per day and a wife who is STILL staring blankly out of the window.
I have no time.
I’m writing this at 6am. In less than three hours, I’m going to be doing jumping jacks with my daughter while vividly imagining Joe Wicks’ testicles being crushed in a vice…
… very slowly.
📣📣📣 Whether you need my help or not, now is a great time to step up and start telling the world about you and your thing**. 📣📣📣
You’ll never have more potential attention on you than right at this moment. 👀
What do you want to do with it?
*Apart from you, Randolph in Exeter. Yeah, I see you. No one needs that. Put it away.
**Again, not YOU, Randolph. The Police have been informed.